Subject: Anger Management Information: From the book The

Subject: Anger Management Information: From the book The

Subject: Anger Management Information: From the book The Other Side Of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman Class: AFJROTC Anger is a sign that a person is a sinful individual evil. A. Yes

B. No 1. What is anger? 2. What can you do when you find yourself getting angry? 3. What are some of the physical changes that take place when you get angry? 4. Is it ever right to become physical with the person you are angry at?

5. What do you do when you encounter an angry person? ANGER ANGER MANAGEMENT MANAGEMENT Anger Management

Definition of Anger: -A strong passion or emotion, excited by a sense of injury or insult. It involves emotions, the mind, the body, and the will. And he that is of a cool spirit is a man of understanding (Proverbs 17:27)

Never decide on any course or start to do anything while emotion is agitating like a roaring sea. The mind is easily affected by feelings, and with a restless mind how can we distinguish between right and wrong? - Watchman Nee Anger is always stimulated by an event

We normally dont wake up and decide, Hey, I think Ill be angry today! Lets see how it involves the emotions, the mind and the body You can just wake up and be angry for no reason. A. Yes

B. No In order to get angry, something, an event, must have occurred. A. Yes B. No Emotions: Anger is a cluster of emotions involving such feelings as

disappointment, hurt, rejection, embarrassment, and other similar feelings. We can get angry when these emotions are activated. The Mind: This is where we replay the event that has caused us to get angry.

The Body: We put a terrible amount of stress on our bodies when we get, and stay, angry. It is like being under distress. Depending on the level of anger, any or all of the following may happen: - The adrenal glands release two hormones: epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline). These two chemicals seem to give people the tenseness and excitement in the

heat of anger. Did you notice how the emotions, thoughts (mind) and the body (physiological) are intertwined? These compose what we call anger. Normally anger is then expressed in behavior words or actions: - We shout at someone - We kick or punch something

- Withdraw in silence What we want to discover is how we can learn to control our thoughts (mind) - how we interpret the events - and our behavior - our words and actions. This involves the will. (the want to)

Which of the following can be better controlled than the other two? A. Emotions B. Mind C. Body We hope to learn the following: - Our response to anger

- Two types of anger - Five steps to handle valid anger (Processing anger) -How to process distorted anger - Destructive Responses to Anger - What to do when you encounter an angry person

First, Our Response To Anger Should Be: To right a wrong by seeking justice not revenge - and bring about change. Some examples: - MADD - SADD - Stopping Slavery - Our Own Personal Injustices

Our Motivation in responding to anger must be: - Guided by love (not revenge) Lets look at the two types of anger. My response to anger is to get revenge to get even!

A. True B. False My motivation in handling anger must be guided by___________. Love

Two Types of Anger: - Definitive - Distorted First, definitive Definitive anger is born of a wrongdoing. Treated unfairly, property stolen, lies are told about us, etc.

It is valid in that something wrong was actually done. Distorted is not valid. It is triggered by a mere disappointment, an unfulfilled desire, a frustrated effort, envy, jealously, or greed. It has nothing to do with an actual wrongdoing. Life was simply

made inconvenient - for a time. Could be set off due to you being tired. Joe was walking and tripped in front of some other students. They proceeded to laugh at Joe. Joe got angry. A. Definitive B. Distorted

Lets look at the TWO ALL IMPORTANT QUESTIONS To Ask Before We Act: 1. Is the action Im considering positive; will it deal with the wrong and heal the relationship? 2. Is the action Im considering loving? Is it designed for the benefit of the person Im angry with? (This can be hard to do.) Simply, is it positive and is it loving?

Five Steps to Handle Valid Anger Step 1: Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry Obvious - right? The problem is the emotion of anger can come on quickly and we can find ourselves caught in a verbal or physical response before we ever acknowledge

the fact. So what do you do? Step 2: Restrain Your Immediate Response Do and say nothing for now! King Solomon said, A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

For those who let the RED hot lava of anger flow, take time to count to 10, 100, or if necessary, 1000. Answer this, who is controlling who? Take a time out!

What could be the result of not restraining myself? - Emotionally destroying someone - Possibly inflicting physical injury even on yourself - Worse yet, kill someone - Spending the rest of your life with regret!

Step 3: Locate The Focus of Your Anger There are two questions to consider. They are: (1) What is the actual wrong committed? (2) How serious is the offense?

How major? How minor? Forgetting to meet to purchase luggage versus the same person cheating on his wife - one is worse than the other. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being minor and 10 being serious. Why give it a rating? For perspective!

Step 4: Analyze Your Options By locating the focus of your anger and giving it a rating, you are prepared for step 4. Heres the question you should ask: What are the possible actions I could take? Here are some examples:

- You verbally beat them up for their unloving, uncaring, unthinking, behavior - You could become historical bringing up all the things in the past - You could become physical and hit them (not a good choice) -Dismiss them with a mental put-down

- Seek revenge through isolation (Let them feel rejection for awhile). The Two Most Valid and Productive Options: (1) Lovingly confront the person or persons (2) Overlook the offense Step 5, Take Constructive action:

Lets talk about option (2) first Overlook the Offense - You realize that confronting will not achieve anything positive. (How do you know? Past experience.) -- You choose to accept the wrong and release the person. You are NOT letting the other person control your

life - youre moving on The far more wiser response is to confront - lovingly (Not verbal abuse.) - Bring it to their attention (They may be blind to what theyve done.) - Be firm but kind as you lay before them what they did or did not do.

- Recognize you might have misunderstood their words or actions (always a possibility - restrain). -Write down what you want to say before you confront them. - You want to talk WITH, not AT, the person to resolve your anger.

Remember, confrontation is never for the purpose of condemning but to restore relationships. Confrontation does not always lead to justice but hopefully a restored relationship. Summary Of The Five Steps In

Responding To Valid Anger: 1. Acknowledge to yourself you are angry 2. Restrain your immediate response 3. Locate the focus of your anger 4. Analyze your options 5. Take constructive action Bob is upset with Sally angry he will lovingly

confront her about this. Which step is Bob in for processing definitive anger? A. B. C. D. E. Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry

Step 2 Restrain your response Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger Step 4 Analyze your options Step 5 Take constructive action When thinking about it, Bob realized what had happened was not all that important. On a scale of 1 to 10, he gave it a 2. A. Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry

B. Step 2 Restrain your response C. Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger D. Step 4 Analyze your options E. Step 5 Take constructive action Sally told Mary that Bob was skipping classes and getting in trouble. This was all a lie. Bob found out and became angry. He counted to 100 before responding.

A. B. C. D. E. Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry Step 2 Restrain your response Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger

Step 4 Analyze your options Step 5 Take constructive When Bob stopped and thought about whether to confront or forget what Sally had told Mary, he decided his best option would be to forget it over look it. A. B.

C. D. E. Step 1 Acknowledge you are angry Step 2 Restrain your response Step 3 Locate the focus of your anger Step 4 Analyze your options Step 5 Take constructive

Processing Distorted Anger: Remember, distorted anger is not valid anger. It is triggered by a mere disappointment, an unfulfilled desire, a frustrated effort. You did not get what you wanted. (Buying luggage.)

In distorted anger, the alleged wrong is only in your perception; there is no real wrongdoing! Two questions you must ask yourself: What wrong was committed? And, am I sure I have all of the facts? Roger simply forgot: Forgetting is a human phenomenon that we have

all experienced and will experience from time to time. (Not an excuse for being irresponsible.) Betty was going to cut the grass for her mom and dad as a surprise. She tried to crank the mower but it would not start. Betty got extremely angry at the mower and started calling it bad names.

A. Definitive B. Distorted Processing distorted anger: Step 1: Share Information - Tell the person involved, in a noncondemning way, about your concern. Step 2: Gathering Information Heres Rogers chance to explain why he did

not show-up to buy luggage. Step 3: Negotiate Understanding - Express how the situation made you feel - Then listen to the other persons response - - This allows you to understand the persons actions and them to understand

your feelings Step 4: Request Change - This step is optional - Many will respond in a positive way if they are requested to change and not demanded or manipulated

Summary of The Four Steps of Processing Distorted Anger: 1. Share Information - not a verdict 2. Gather Information 3. Negotiate Understanding 4. Request Change (Optional) Always determine if your anger is distorted when using these steps.

Susie decided to tell Author she was hurt and frustrated over him failing to show up for their appointment. A. B. C. D. Step 1

Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 Share Information - not a verdict Gather Information Negotiate Understanding Request Change (Optional)

Susie suggested to Author that he make a note to himself to remind him to meet her for the appointment so he would not forget again. A. B. C. D. Step 1

Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 Share Information - not a verdict Gather Information Negotiate Understanding Request Change (Optional)

Susie allowed Author to explain what had happened why he did not show up for their appointment. A. B. C. D. Step 1

Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 Share Information - not a verdict Gather Information Negotiate Understanding Request Change (Optional)

After Author explained why he forgot, Susie stressed to him to understand how it made her feel. A. B. C. D. Step 1 Step 2

Step 3 Step 4 Share Information - not a verdict Gather Information Negotiate Understanding Request Change (Optional) Destructive Responses to Anger

Two Negative Responses To Anger: - Explosive Anger - Implosive Anger Both are dangerous and are not acceptable ways of handling anger

Explosive Behavior - Expressed either in word or actions -- Verbal abuse -- Physical abuse - Uncontrolled anger is at the root of both of these Exploding verbally: - Just as bad as physical except the

scars are on the inside Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. From the book of Proverbs -Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory bank of our children, friends, family, etc. - Charles R. Swindol If we constantly make withdrawals, there ends up

being a negative balance of emotional strength in memory bank accounts. Implosive Anger Defined as a bursting inwards Motivated out of fear of confrontation; belief that feeling or expressing anger is wrong

Recognizing Implosive Anger: - You cant see it - Yet, just as destructive as explosive anger - Whereas explosive anger begins with rage and may quickly turn into violence, implosive anger

begins with: -- Silence and withdrawal -- Leads to resentment and bitterness -- Eventually, hatred of the person Implosive Anger is Characterized by Three Behaviors: - Denial - Withdrawal

- Brooding - - Practiced by those who believe anger to be wrong Results of Implosive Anger: -Physiological and Psychological Stress on the angry person --It will hurt you physically and emotionally

Eric threw a rock at Steven after Steven made fun of him. A. Explosive B. Implosive Blanca never tells people who have made her angry anything pertaining to the incident. Shes afraid to.

A. Explosive B. Implosive Can lead to bitterness hate with this type of behavior. A. Explosive B. Implosive Freddy was very angry at Teddy and said some very hurtful

things leaving scars that you can not see with the naked eye. A. Explosive B. Implosive Now, Redirected Anger - Shows anger toward people not even involved - Usually its redirected at family members - Opens a huge can of worms

-- More people get angry - innocent people -- When the person you redirected your anger toward gets angry at you, you now get angry at them for being angry at you How dare them A Very Important Thing!!!!!!! Asking For Forgiveness:

- The flip side - you wronged someone - You dont have to wait to be confronted - Confess, agree, and repent, take action to not repeat the wrong Think about it this way: Holding on to resentment not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other

person to die. (Forgiveness 101) When You Encounter An Angry Person: - Their anger could be either definitive or distorted - -Will be handled the same way Seven Steps When Responding To An

Angry Person: Step 1. Listen Step 2. Listen Step 3. Listen NO KIDDING! Step 1: The best thing you can do is listen to the angry person - Lets you determine how angry they are

- Youre getting some of the basics of the persons story Step 2: After hearing the angry persons story once, have them repeat it -- Lets the angry person know that you are taking them seriously - that you want to understand Step 3: Now that you have listened to their story twice, ask some questions

-- Allows you to gather more information to clarify your understanding of the angry persons situation -- Allows the angry person to get out all of their concerns Step 4: Seek to understand the angry persons plight - the reason theyre angry

-- Calls for you being empathic -- Try to visualize how you would feel if it were you Step 5: Express to the angry person your understanding of the situation -- Spoken with kindness in your voice -- Even if the person might have facts wrong, dont try to correct at this point

-- Affirm the persons feelings of anger Step 6: Share additional information that may shed light on the subject -- After hearing their story and seeking clarification, you can now modify or challenge their information -- Must be done with respect and empathy

Step 7: Confess any wrongdoing on your part and perform restitution -- If the persons anger was definitive, you must admit to the wrong and ask for forgiveness -- Restitution means you might owe someone some money or help in some form If their anger was distorted, hopefully at

this point they realize it and are asking you for forgiveness You will never encounter angry people. A. True B. False The frst three steps in handling an

angry person is to just listen. A. True B. False Which step in handling an angry person still requires you to listen but you can ask questions too? A. B. C.

D. E. F. G. Step 1 Listen Step 2 Listen Step 3 Listen Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry persons situation

how they feel Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation Step 6 Share additional information with the angry person Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution This step is where you are being empathic with the angry person. A.

B. C. D. E. F. G. [ Step 1 Listen

Step 2 Listen Step 3 Listen Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry persons situation how they feel Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation Step 6 Share additional information with the angry person Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution

Step might require you to actually pay for or replace something the angry person owned. A. B. C. D. E. F. G.

Step 1 Listen Step 2 Listen Step 3 Listen Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry persons situation how they feel Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation Step 6 Share additional information with the angry person

Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution After Maria listened carefully to angry Betty, Maria felt it safe to tell Betty she might be mistaken and give her more information about the situation. A. B. C. D.

E. F. G. Step 1 Listen Step 2 Listen Step 3 Listen Step 4 Seek to Understand the angry persons situation how they feel

Step 5 Express your understanding of the situation Step 6 Share additional information with the angry person Step 7 Confess any wrongdoing and make restitution In Summary, What We Have Covered: - Our response to anger - Two types of anger

- Two all important questions - How to make anger productive -- Five steps to handle valid anger (Processing anger) -- How to process distorted anger - Destructive Responses to Anger - What to do when you are angry at yourself And Last,

- What to do when you encounter an angry person The End!

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