Emotional Intelligence andDealing with Difficult PeopleRob SnowdenCBAP, CSM, PBACentral Virginia IIBAJanuary 18, 2017

Emotional Intelligence is Being aware of your thoughts, feelings,viewpoints, and moods, as well as inothers. This type of intelligence isnecessary when working with others.Why is emotional intelligence important?

Emotional Intelligence is PhysicalRepresented in our freeze or fight or flightresponseThis is an automatic response from an older part of our brainthe limbic system more specifically the amygdala– It can’t distinguish between a real threat and a perceived one– It was built for physical threats and ramps the body(autonomic nervous system) in a major way toward physicalprotection Building emotional intelligence is a way to control theamygdala response and allow your brain to processsituation using its cortex (thinking capability)

Understanding EI & Cognitive DistortionOur brains tend to go this way . . Affective Forecasting:– Time Discounting – I want it now!– Impact Bias – I’ll be happy when I win the lottery– Immune Neglect – Not considering coping strategies Cognitive Bias / Cognitive Dissonance – Mental stress ofholding two or more contradictory beliefs– The Endowment Effect – It’s more valuable because I own it– Regret Aversion – I might be wrong, so I don’t want to decide– Social Proof – A kind of conformity – go with the group since theymaybe understand what I don’t?– Reciprocity – Repay in kind for things provided to you– Confirmation Bias – Seeking things that reinforce your beliefs

Basic Look at Power Corrupting Researchers believe power has a somewhatdehumanizing effect on people and the powerful aremore self-focused and less empathetic– Powerful people or people who think they are powerful show lessability to imagine things from other perspectives– Powerful people don’t think they are better they just don’t thinkabout others– Happens to anyone who feels powerful not just rich or famous– “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corruptsabsolutely.”John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, firstBaron Acton (1834–1902) How does this tie to EI?

Differences Between EQ and IQEQ (Emotional Quotient)Building a career (life’swork) Level of emotional andsensitive intelligence. Helps developmentpotential even after IQstarts to diminish. Enhances successful projectoutcomes.IQ (Intellectual Quotient}Building a profession(paid occupation) Level of cognitive andacademic intelligence. Only takes you so far in yourcareer before weakening. Helps with successfulproject outcomes but not atthe expense of projectparticipants’ feelings.

EQ vs. IQ

of the time high EQ candidates beat out high IQcandidates when being considered for apromotion!

EI and Teamwork Know when to express emotions and when tocontrol emotions. As the pace of change on projects and worksincreases, EI becomes even more critical. EI leaders:– Create an EI climate– Exercise EI competencies– Model EI leadership style: Self-confidence, Achievement orientation, Initiative,Empathy, Mentoring, Teamwork, and Collaboration

Emotional Intelligence Dimensions1. Self-awareness: ability to read your emotions andrecognize their impact while using gut feelings to guidedecisions.2. Self-management: ability to control your emotions andimpulses and adapt to changing circumstances.3. Social awareness: ability to sense, understand, andreact to others' emotions while comprehending socialnetworks.4. Relationship management: ability to inspire, influence,and develop others while managing conflict.Source: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

1. Self-awareness DimensionInvolves Personal Competence – ability tounderstand yourself.– Emotional self-awareness: recognizing youremotions and their effects.– Accurate self-assessment: knowing your strengthsand limits, and using this awareness to makeeffective decisions.– Self-confidence: having a strong sense of your selfworth and capabilities.

2. Self-management DimensionInvolves Personal Competence – ability tomanage yourself.– Self-control: keeping disruptive emotions andimpulses under control when working on projects.– Trustworthiness: maintaining standards of honestyand integrity when working with project participants.– Conscientiousness: showing responsibility inmanaging yourself for performance or lack thereof onprojects.

2. Self-management Dimension(continued)Involves Personal Competence – ability tomanage yourself.– Adaptability: being flexible in handling change in theworkplace and on projects.– Achievement: striving to improve or meet a standardof excellence to accomplish project activities.– Initiative: completing project work and acting onopportunities without being prompted by others.

3. Social Awareness DimensionInvolves Social Competence – ability tounderstand others.– Empathy: understanding others and taking activeinterest in their concerns as you work on projects.– Organizational awareness: empathizing and reading agroup’s emotional currents and power relationships.– Service orientation: anticipating, recognizing andmeeting customers' needs.

4. Relationship ManagementDimensionInvolves Social Competence – ability tomanage relationships.– Developing others: sensing others' developmentneeds and strengthening their abilities.– Leadership: inspiring and guiding groups, teams, orpeople.– Influence: employing interpersonal influence tactics topersuade others.

4. Relationship ManagementDimension (continued)Involves Social Competence – ability tomanage relationships.– Communication: sending clear and convincingmessages while minimizing communicationbreakdowns.– Change catalyst: initiating or managing change, whichis what projects are all about.– Conflict management: facilitating through negotiationof conflicts and disagreements between projectparticipants.

4. Relationship ManagementDimension (continued)Involves Social Competence – ability tomanage relationships.– Building bonds: building effective relationships withthe project participants.– Teamwork and collaboration: creating a shared visionand working with others toward shared goals on theproject.– Synergy in teamwork: working with others towardpursuing shared goals on the project.

EI Competency FrameworkSelf- Awareness Emotional Self-Awareness Accurate Self-Assessment Self-ConfidenceSocial Awareness Empathy Organizational Awareness Service OrientationSelf- Management Self-Control Trustworthiness Conscientiousness Adaptability Achievement InitiativeRelationship Management Developing Others Leadership Influence Communication Change Catalyst Conflict Management Building Bonds Teamwork & Collaboration Synergy in TeamworkWhere do YOU want to improve?

Developing Your EIDimension/CompetencyDeveloping Self-awarenessTips and Suggestions Examine how you provide feedbackon performance. Tune into your five senses. Get in touch with your feelings. Learn what your intentions are. Pay attention to your actions, as wellas your words.

Developing Your EIDimension/CompetencyManaging EmotionsTips and Suggestions Use your self-talk as a teaching tool. Avoid distorted thinking. Use relaxation to decrease yourirritation. Become a good problem solver. Generate appropriate humor. Take time out for yourself.

Developing Your EIDimension/CompetencyImproving EmpathyTips and Suggestions Use sensitivity when working withothers. Be aware of personal filters. Tune into the emotional subtext andcontext. Assess the risk of self-disclosure. Flex your communication style tothat of the other person.

Developing Your EIDimension/CompetencyImproving RelationshipManagementTips and Suggestions Keep your emotional perspective. Anticipate the mood you are going toencounter. Calm the out-of-control person. Use active listening – reflect back,clarify, paraphrase, etc. Help with goal planning and goalreaching. Model the types of behavior you aretrying to encourage in others. Reinforce appropriate behaviors orreactions.

Responding to Emotional Outbursts1. Avoidance: ignoring or avoiding the situation altogether.2. Smoothing Over: softening the blow for others.3. Confrontation: dealing with the situation or the person.4. Collaboration: working together to resolve the situation.

Summary: Emotional IntelligenceSection Realizing there are differences between EQ andIQ is becoming more important in the workplace. Identifying your emotional hot buttons candefuse emotional outbursts. Improving emotional intelligence competenciesis critical to career development, even moreimportant than IQ.How is this applied to difficultpeople?

Conflict Management & Dealingwith Difficult People Objectives All starts with you– Emotional Intelligence Define conflict and difficult people. Identify the causes of conflict and conflictresolution tactics. Review the five main styles of dealing withconflict. Learn the eight main types of difficult people. Practice a nine-step dealing with difficult peopleresolution process.

is due to technical training – to brains and skillon the job and 85 percent of success is due topersonality factors – the ability to deal with otherpeople successfully!Source: The Carnegie Institute of Technology.

Conflict is When two or more people’s differencesescalate to a level that negatively affects (ormight affect) productivity, quality, service,morale, or working relationships.

Causes of 6.7.8.PressuresRolesPersonal valuesUnpredictable policies*Identified by psychologists Art Bell and Brett Hart in 2000 and 2002.

1. Conflicting Resources Types leMeeting spaceTimeOthers? Resolution tactics:– Negotiate– Influence– Time management– Open discussions– Ensure access toresources

2. Conflicting Styles Types ofconflicting styles:– Approaches to work– Personalities– Work ethic Resolution tactics:– Consider workingstyles– Determine roles– Encourage styleidentification

3. Conflicting Perceptions Types ofconflictingperceptions:––––GossipTurf warsWork performanceCustomer complaints Resolution tactics:– Open communication– Share good and badnews – minimizesmaking thingsup/creating rumors– Capitalize on officepolitics – navigate byIDing power struggles– Listen to the voice of thecustomer

4. Conflicting Goals Types ofconflicting goals:––––––TimingQualityFinancialWork performedMultiple projectsOthers? Resolution tactics– Watch for conflict– Open discussion withboss– Negotiate for a winwin

5. Conflicting Pressures Types ofconflictingpressures:– Dependencies– Urgent tasks Resolution tactics:– Open discussion– Reschedule, reduce,or possibly eliminatetasks– Negotiate deadlines

6. Conflicting Roles Types ofconflicting roles:– Assigned work that isoutside of the originaljob responsibilities– Unclearresponsibilities Resolution tactics:– Open discussion– Team charter (R&R)– ResponsibilityAssignment Matrix(RAM) – RACI

7. Different Personal Values Types of differingpersonal values:– Ethics– Values– Beliefs Resolution tactics:– Preserve yourintegrity– Preserve other’sintegrity

8. Unpredictable Policies Types ofunpredictablepolicies:– Rule and policychanges– Consistency inhandling policies Resolution tactics:– Communicatechanges– Explain why thechange is occurring– Apply policiesconsistently andfairly

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict ingAccommodatingAvoiding*Source: Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument by Kenneth Thomasand Ralph Kilmann.

1. Competitive Conflict Style Operate fromassertiveness andbeinguncooperative. Pursue concerns atother’s expense. Use a poweroriented mode todefend positions. Intent is to win.

2. Collaborative Conflict Style Operate fromassertiveness and beingcooperative. Attempt to work withothers to find solutions. Dig into an issue toidentify underlyingneeds and wants. Intent is to understandand to find a creativesolution.

3. Compromising Conflict Style Operate frommoderateassertiveness andbeing cooperative. Search for fitting andmutually acceptablesolutions. Intent is to identify asolution that willsatisfy all parties.

4. Accommodating Conflict Style Operate fromunassertiveness andbeing cooperative. Overlook his/herconcerns. Often uses selflessgenerosity, obeyingothers’ orders, oryielding to others. Intent is to focus onsatisfying other parties’interests.

Avoiding Conflict Style Operate fromunassertiveness andbeing uncooperative. Does not pursue theirown or other’sconcerns. Dodges the conflictentirely. Intent is todiplomatically sidestepissues, postponeissues, or withdraw.

Which style do you use instinctively?

A Difficult* Person is A person who is hard to understand, hard todeal with, hard to please or satisfy, orstubborn and hard to persuade.* Source:

Types of Difficult plainer5.6.7.8.TheTheTheTheShillyshallySmarty PantsCan’t Say NoRebelWhich behavior type causes you the most difficulty?

The Bully InterruptsYellsInsultsIntimidatesCriticizes other’swork Talks over others Steals credit54 million Americanshave been attacked by abully at work.

The Sniper Hide out in the back ofthe room Take cheap shots at anyand everyone Nitpick people’sdiscussions and theirwork Make inappropriatecomments When confronted, statethat, “I’m just kidding”

The Freeloader Withhold effort, slack offon performing work Shirk responsibilities tothe team Seek free rides from thework effort of other teammembers Avoid taking on tasks orresponsibilities Hide talents and skillsso they can avoid work

The Complainer Whine and moan abouteverything See the bad insituations Point out everything thatis wrong Their negativitybecomes contagious Find fault with othersand rarely with themself

The Shillyshally IndecisiveHesitateStallIndecisiveUncommittedWaver due to fearor to avoidresponsibility

The Smarty-Pants Believe they are familiarwith everything and“know it all” Think they havecomprehension of mosttopics or situations Comprehension ofcircumstances is ofteninaccurate or limited Attitude is not alwaysexpressed outwardly

“Can’t Say No” Say yes to any workthey are asked about Overcommit and thencollapse from theworkload Like to please others Become over-allocatedon projects Take on too much atany given time

What doya got?The RebelWhat are you rebelling against? Dissenter Express negativity,moodiness, or poorattitude Break rules Resist loyalty to theteam Annoy the team byusing “but” statements Independent and thinksfor her or himself

Dealing with Difficult PeopleResolution ProcessStep 1EvaluatetheSituationStep 4ConfronttheproblemStep 5Deal withthebehaviorStep 8DeterminesolutionStep 2Step 3Develop aplanStep 6Draw outreasonsStep 7Repeat asnecessaryDo yourhomeworkStep 9Establishaccountability

Step 4 - Confront the Problem Execute the discussionAvoid delayingAvoid the fear of conflictDeal with the problem toimprove morale ofothers Some people are notaware there is an issue

Step 5 - Deal with the Behavior Focus on inappropriatebehavior Begin collaboratingtoward a solution Use “I” or “We”statements Don’t assume, askquestions Get them involved indeveloping a solution

Summary: Conflict Management &Dealing with Difficult People Identifying the root causes of conflict helps to applyeffective conflict resolution tactics. There are five main styles of dealing with conflict and theappropriate style depends on the situation. There are many types of difficult people and it isimportant to identify the specific type in order to improvebehavior. The nine-step dealing with difficult people resolutionprocess can be used to help improve other people’sbehavior.